I have stumbled upon something that is either too sad or too strange to be true. The bizarre existence of famous people's supposedly real myspace accounts. That's right. I looked. Just like I looked at Daniel Radcliffe's you-know-what. I figured, famous people can't entirely hide from the internet. They too must want to keep in contact with random people they knew in their formative years, and parade cell phone self portraits to the masses, and have something to do when they're drunk and bored.
As it turns out, if you can find one sort-of celebrity's profile, it pretty much locks you in to an unending ring of their other "famous" friends. The fun goes on for hours. And I'm not supposing that these are actually real myspace profiles (since crazies are always creating profiles for their "crushes" or idols), but I am supposing that if they're not, there is someone out there who is both overly obsessed and has way too much time on their hands. The web of celebrities is so intricate that I don't know who would be able to fabricate it.
Case for authenticity: pictures that no paparazzi or deranged fan could find on their own. Plus, linking to friends of theirs who are also famous (kind of) but you completely forgot about (The kid from Sandlot 2? Who would make that up?).
Case for obvious fraud: they all sound like bonheads. "Hey, what's up. My name is Jake (Gyllenhaal). Some of the movies I've been in are (.....). I like biking, acting, and hanging out with friends." and so on. Are you kidding me? is that really as interesting as you can be? Wow. (also, according to Jake Gyllenhaal's myspace, Brokeback Mountain is one of his favorite movies, and he is *explicitly* single. Picking up girls on myspace???).
So, if it is to be believed that some celebrities actually do have their own profiles on the internet, and that I have found them, then there are some sad, unfortunate conclusions to be drawn.
--Famous people have horrible taste in music. Not only is it horrible, it is also completely lazy. Offspring + Jack Johnson? Are you even trying???
--They have no mercy about presenting themselves as acting icons and not people.
--They talk like the dudes you knew in high school who high-fived their bros after someone farted really loud at the kegger after the big homecoming game.
--They have a really terrible fashion sense. Like, weird bad polo fleeces and giant white-gangsta baseball caps.
--They make it appear that hanging out with them in real life would be about as much fun as eating cardboard boxes and watching C-Span with the volume down while playing Old Maid with your next door neighbor's accountant. Not the worst thing in the world, but also not on the list of enjoyable things either.
On an ending note, Chad Michael Murray's profile headline is "When you realize you're alive, you can live life!"
He's so inspirational!
1 comment:
I dont see how you find it so hard to believe that Jake G is so lame. Also the level of coolness that your expecting from celebrities is much higher than it should be, unless of course we're dealing with someone like Dane Cook. In that case it's astronomically higher.
Post a Comment