Dear Bummers # 1 and 2, for your consideration

I've let this one sit a while. I wrote these over two (three?) weeks ago. They seemed harsh. So I left them alone. Over that time these subjects have come up in conversation, and every time I say nearly what I had written prior. Thusly, I have come to the conclusion that these are my legitimate viewpoints on the events in question.

I think it's good to choose your jerky, self-righteous, grand-standing, chest-puffing, soap-boxing, finger-pointing moments on issues. You can't get mad about everything. Well, some people do. But you can't share them all the time. People would stop listening to you. So, after considering them for some time, I feel solid about these bummers. Bummers, #1 and #2....

Dear Bummer #1,
I don't know what was happening in your day. And yes, I acknowledge that. It would be shitty for me to assume that you are supposed to operate in "super nice" mode all of the time. I don't. Especially at work. And you, 1, were at work. So I get it. So I didn't expect you to engage in personal or perky conversation. But I didn't expect you to be kind of...well...the way you were. Maybe I was expecting civility and or courtesy before you decided I wasn't worthy of being kind to. Maybe that was wrong of me. Needless to say, when I came to you on an 80-some degree day and said "hey, there's a dog tied up outside. Do you think you have a bowl of water or something I could bring him?" And you responded to me coldly, and tersely, I was confused. This seemed to be a bother to you. You didn't understand. Why would I want this bowl of water?
I explained again.
"Well," you asked, "is it YOUR dog?"
No, I said. It's not.
"Well then I wouldn't worry about it," you told me.
"So you're not going to give me any water?" I asked, confused, yes, about why this would be such a weird thing to ask.
You repeated "I wouldn't worry about it."
I feel it's necessary to let anyone else reading this know that you made a point of not looking me in the eye throughout the conversation, and when you did it was a punctuation of condescension. Though a small detail, it is one that does not go unnoticed as I have long been around people who build social identities by letting others know they're not worthy of their time. But I digress...
"...mmm...ok." I was at an impasse. There I was, an admittant dog enthusiast, just wanting the hot guy to have some relief. Oh water, the horror! Maybe not everyone would react as I do to a dog being tied up in the heat, and I understood, so I made a joke:
"Oh, you're a cat person, aren't you?" But you were not in the mood for jokes and shirked me off. Snorting at me, then looking over, around, and through me you went back to your work.
I walked out of the restaurant, patted the dog, and went on with my day. My friends were waiting for me down the street.
What I thought of saying to you two blocks away was this:
I hope someday you are tied to a post on a hot day, and nobody brings YOU any water BECAUSE THEY DON'T OWN YOU.
You totally logical and caring person. You were so rude about such a little thing. I'm not a lunatic or an animal freak, I just know that many places will put bowls of water out on hot days when they have a dog-toting clientele. But sorry. That must've been my bad. How silly I must have looked. Fuck the dogs, RIGHT?! Better to keep having your crappy day. I hope things changed for you though. I hope a rainbow sprouted overhead and the sky rained chocolate kisses and everyone who crossed your path adorned you with hand shakes and butterfly kisses.
If you're ever stuck outside in the heat, you probably shouldn't ask me for help. I might just not find it my communal responsibility to give you a cup of water.


Dear Bummer #2
Oh you. You probably believe we all have a right to breed. As Americans, I mean. And especially as the monetarily privileged ones. I work for an affluent clientele, so I will be the first one to say that my views on parenting in that neighborhood can be somewhat skewed by my perception of their electives to not participate in the rearing of their children. It's not a part time job in my opinion. But I know I am in no real position to have such opinions as I have no children myself. "Oh goody. Kids are like gerbils. Clean their cage once a week, they're fine." But I digress....
Anyway, you seem like a nice person. A kind person. I actually mostly liked you on your own. But you came in with your family on a Sunday for brunch. Here I would like to say that my place of business is very family friendly--to its detriment at times--and so any day, especially weekends, are frequented by families with small children. I have a very high threshold for erratic behavior from children in public places. But I DO NOT believe they should be allowed to be banshees. Look, I don't have kids, so how could I possibly know how trying it is to raise them. But I do believe if I had them I would be sensitive to other's dinning experiences. And yes, you, this family, I don't mean to offend you, but your children were unacceptable. I am used to seeing fits, and fighting, and vomiting, and crying, and all of that, but these demons you let rule your life were rude, and inexplicably inappropriate in the cafe. Shrill screaming, tantrum throwing, right from the beginning, and you let them. You were sitting right in front of me and I watched you enable them while they cried and screamed and hit and made others feel uncomfortable. I know you made others feel uncomfortable because they told me. Your children offended me and I just get paid to make your coffee.
CORRECTION: Perhaps what truly offended me was that you let them behave in such a way. Especially the super ballistic one. How could you possibly let such abhorrish behavior happen for nearly an hour? That is inconsiderate. Anyone interested can be sent an audio file of a recreation of this terrible, unmonitored behavior. Just, just bad. Like really, really bad. So, 2, you thought it was fine your child(ren) were ruining everyone else's dining experience. Fine.
But here's the problem: When you went outside and left your banshees in a stroller while you chatted with friends, some shit went down. I watched this happen. There was a dog tied up outside. It was being barked at by a dog tied up across the street. It seemed stressed. This was unusual for this dog and I know because the owner talked to me about it while she was in line for coffee. I don't think she was just starting to make things up. While your screaming child was sitting in her stroller and you were chatting with friends, she started provoking the dog. She was pulling on his hair, his tail, putting her hand in his face, his eyes. And when you started to notice, and tried to intervene, the dog nipped at her.
The dog NIPPED at her.
You know how I know? If the dog BIT her, she would need stitches, not a paper towel with an ice cube. Know how I know? Ask for my credentials.
The dog nipped at her, and she screamed more (a surprising feat) and bled some and you freaked out. Of course you freaked out. Of course your baby freaked out. Those things are terrifying when they happen to young children, weather they're nips or scratches or gashes or tears. You spoke to the dog owner, and you left.
Hmm, I thought.
And then you came back today. You came back this morning. You talked to my boss and I stood right there. You told the story in a motherly way, as though no one--not even his highness jesus--saw it happen. Just what you wanted to see happen, through your mommy goggles. You said we shouldn't let dogs stay out front anymore. You know, maybe they'll bite someone. Maybe just a suggestion.

Well, I have a suggestion for you. IF YOU FEEL THAT POTENTIALLY INAPPROPRIATE ANIMALS SHOULD BE TIED UP AROUND THE CORNER, THEN POTENTIALLY INAPPROPRIATE CHILDREN SHOULD BE TIED UP AROUND THE CORNER ALSO.

WATCH YOUR SHIT. IF IT'S A DOG OR A BABY, WATCH YOUR SHIT.

The dog is sitting on public property, but you brought your baby into a restaurant, and then you let it act shitty. And then you let it be inappropriate to an animal in a public space. So that really sounds like your problem, lady. Get your inappropriate human in check. I'm not a baby hater, but get your human in check. I would. I would make it my responsibility. And you know one of the reasons I don't have one? Because I know I don't want that kind of responsibility yet. Shame on you. You can't blame that crap on an animal. Get your people in check. Buck up and take responsibility for how your offspring act in the world. Other people live in it, too.



Oh now, Mama. You sound so bitter, you sound so worked up. Well America, I will tell you. The longer I am in this world, and the harder and more I try to contribute to it, the more I build intolerances. But I don't think I'm totally fucking out to lunch about them. Most of them stem from believing that people can be kind and thoughtful and not entirely selfish--and that it's not really that hard. I mean, it's easier to be selfish, rude, and depressed. But that doesn't mean it's better.

All things otherwise, are on the up and up!
So here's to moving up together,
Mama

Dear, Breaking in the motherboard!

Eee! (pc)

After almost two years of not having my own computer, I do. IT's haaaaaaapening!

The intention of the purchase was to start writing more, and more regularly. It's just a little guy, almost personal pizza sized. Personal pizza pc. But it gets the job done. I think it's a he. Not sure yet...But pretty sure it means there will finally be more writing.

Back in the technology game, y'all! Emmer effers here I come!

Donny Osmond You Are Not A Little Bit Rock n' Roll

I mean, seriously? Was that for real? I'm not trying to rip on Donny Osmond, but did anyone hear that? The very nature of the way he sings those words is so wholesome and dripping-gooey-teen-sugar-vag-cresting-on-a-river-of-fruit-loops-and-chocolate-milk that it kind of is the exact opposite of what someone who is a "little rock n' roll" would sound like. But then, I'm also going on the assumption that rock and roll has a defining sound or look and is not simply a "state of mind" or "way of being". I have, in the past, been informed that it is and that is why "Green Day is the greatest punk band of all time". So. And I'm really not prepared to get into that kind of an argument, or "discussion". So.

Sorry Donny O. Maybe you are a little rock n' roll in there somewhere.