This is Why I Don't Read Things

Every time I want to start a new project, I research it. The further into research I get, the more the project dies.

That story's been told a hundred times.
That exact story has been told five times in the last ten years.
No one takes that kind of story seriously anymore because it was done so much 15 years ago.
You have no point to your story, truthfully.
You see things in a poignant light but they are actually inane and entirely uninteresting.
No one would watch your movie but you.
The only answer you have to any question about a choice you want to make is "because".
You don't actually know enough about the subject matter.
To know enough about the subject matter will involve enough research that it will KILL any interest you have in continuing to write about it any longer.
You are going to be a waiter for the rest of your life because your ideas are so bad.
Your ideas are so OLD.

Fuck being informed. Thanks, but no thanks internet, movies, and books.
M

Dear Eventual "I Told You So" pt 1

You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of making predictions about things and being right, and never getting any credit for it.

That's right. I said it.

I predict trends, recycled trends, social trends, and trends no one but me cares enough to think about--and I'm almost always right. But rarely, IF EVER, does anyone turn to me and say "you're right, mama. you said it would happen, and it happened". Rarely if ever does anyone even believe me that I knew it was going to happen.

+ Scream 4? Predicted that.
+ Hipsters turning into hippies? Predicted that.
+ Supreme snobs and assholes deciding it is now cool to be nice and believe in love? Predicted that big time.
+ Flannel? Child, please.
+ People other than Japanese chicks making peace signs in photographs? No one believed that would be cool again, but I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE.
+ Photobooths and Mason jars being freaking everywhere? Who has two thumbs and fucking saw that one coming. Me.
+ Jumpers AKA playsuits AKA rompers AKA cameltoe shorts? Yep.

And those are just a few of the great many things I have predicted would make their way (back) into society that I was right about. And I want some credit.

So now I'm realizing that if I put it out there on the internet (aka series of tubes), there can be more accountability. NOW, when something I know is going to become popular again annoyingly and inevitably DOES, I can point to this blog and say "see???? I predicted that one coming!!! SEE?! I am a cultural prodigy!!!". And then you will be like "Wow, she really does get more annoying over time." And then I will say something about wanting to eat some beans. Cuz that's pretty much how that goes.

Without further adieu, so begins my genius foretelling of shit that's coming back.

+ Snapple & Arizona iced tea (and while we're at it, ALL iced tea. Like, tea, as a "thing". The old favorites will come back with financial avengance, and new, hip teas will appear. Then you will see hipsters drinking cans of tea like it's 1993, and then everyone will do it. Teavolution.)
+ Political Correctness (America is going to love getting touchy feely about labels again)
+ Mary Janes & Creepers & Airwalk shoes
+ Ska & Big Band music (this invites the inevitable rise in popularity of zoot suits and swing dancing. This is still pretty uncool, but it won't be for long)
+ Mix Tapes (and cassettes in general)
+ Music videos on television.
+ Chokers
+ RL Stine
+ Bodysuits and Jeans
+ Hair parted down the middle
+ Roller activities (blade, sk8, sk8board)
+ Being straight edge (black x's. It's a lifestyle, man).
+ Goth revolution!
+ PLAYDATES. This is just an inevitability since everyone our age is starting to crank out their own collection of tiny humans. Having babies plus being a social person means parent-child group dates. I'm sure everyone will be drinking a lot of juice or something lame like that. Maybe iced tea -- see above.

I'm going to go buy a lemon Snapple now,
Mama

This blog should be called

lookatmyfeelings.blogspot.com

cryingonmykeyboardlisteningtoindigogirls.blogspot.com

laughatmyjokes.blogspot.com

sendingvibestopeoplewhocanmakemefamous.blogspot.com

iwenttoartschoolandnowimaprofessionalfoodserver.blogspot.com

criticalofshittyparenting.blogspot.com

hyperopinionatedaboutparenting.blogspot.com

ihaveababyitsnameiscareer.blogspot.com

beingkindisntafadyouhipsterdickwads.blogspot.com

sugarkillsamericansandamericanskillamericans.blogspot.com

ithinkiknoweverythingandithinkiknowabsolutelynothing.blogspot.com

thisiswhyimsoconfused.blogspot.com