Dear Magical Half-Korean Baby Jesus

In about 10 minutes I am going to go see my nephew play the baby Jesus in a live nativity scene. He is not really my nephew. He is my best friend's infant son, and we are basically sisters, so I count it.  It counts.  It counts to me.

This magical 3 month old son is the most handsome curiosity I have ever laid eyes on.  He is a gale force wrapped inside a chubby body of love and infinite possibility.  Meeting him has changed my life.  More on that later.

The point right now is that this year has been about change and embracing what change means; what change brings.  When our friend's mother called and said "Our church is desperate for a baby to come be Jesus in our nativity play" She agreed to let Desmond take part.  She and her husband are not church goers or avid Jesus-believers, but they are loving members of the community and certainly not people who could pass up the opportunity to let their son play the messiah.  My friend's husband is Korean and therefore Desmond is half-Korean.  We are all very excited to see some diversity brought into an age old story.  As an actor, I can tell you, playing Jesus looks GREAT on a resume.

Desmond came into my world and it changed.  All of our lives are better because of him.  I am elated to be able to watch him share his magic energy with a community of loving people on Christmas Eve.  I can't believe I am saying this, but he is only three months old and I am already so proud of him.

Desmond, thank you for making Christmas be about something new and exciting.  I am BLESSED to be even a camel in the nativity scene of your life.

Desmond's parents have a blog.  It is wonderful.  I suggest you check it out.
xo

Dear All I Want for Christmas

I can't tell a lie. I love presents. I love everything about them. I love thinking about them, picking them out, wrapping them, watching someone receive them, getting them, UNwrapping them, hugging someone about them, looking at them, playing with them. Everything. I love the whole goddamn thing. Never have a I been a person who is like "oh, no, no gifts please." Ok yes, I understand sometimes gifts aren't appropriate and I'm cool with that, and I also never EXPECT gifts (sorry, Giraffe, sometimes maybe I expect them from you). But, you know, Christmas is an excellent time to be all about the presents. Among other things.

IF I had my way (I don't and at this point I can't be surprised) I would give everyone a present this time of year. For the last six or seven years I have planned out elaborate schemes for how I am going to make everyone I know something just *so* special, and that it will cost no money and take no time. And then the universe is always like PSYCHE. One year I actually bought the supplies to make all these supposedly amazing gifts, dropped a considerable amount of dough, got two or three deep and was like "Oh no. These are ridiculous. No one wants to get these as gifts!" And then I chickened out and also ran out of time. This year I didn't do that but I still kind of wish I would have just gone for it anyway.
 This year, in my family, there has been a moratorium on gift giving. Slowly, over the last few years, we have done less and less and this year it makes sense to do nothing material at all. This news came from my mother and I responded like any adult child would. With understanding and whiny disappointment. Like somehow, if I protest, it will change the state of things. It does not. The state of things is that now more so than ever material gifts mean nothing in comparison to the gift of being together (wah wah!). After collectively losing my Papa in September and undergoing some radical changes in each of our own lives none of us is in a monetary or emotional place to be out at a mall (or on etsy, or in the basement crafting away) procuring objects and stuff to fill our lives. Nobody really needs anything either. (*there is a never ending list of wants, but sometimes wants get set aside*) So this year, my sister (little Boo) and our surrogate brother are coming home, we are going to be with each other and the dogs and call it a day.

 The Giraffe and I are going to move into our first home next month. My mother says that the gift of buying our first house is absolutely the biggest gift we could give each other. Mom, you are always right. Ugh. But what I want to say about this is that there are so many ways you can share and give with someone else that doesn't involve a present under the tree. There are so many gifts that don't cost anything. And this Christmas, my wish list is full of those things. So for 2011, the year of radical change, this is what I want for Christmas:

 +A rad-ass dance party. My mother is legendary amongst my sister and I for throwing great dance parties. She likes to play the Beach Boys and this year she discovered Death Cab for Cutie ("Don't Stop the Fruity". True story.) I might bring a little Drake to the table and Boo can bring some of the hits the college kids are listening to and we can just spend a couple of hours getting down.
 +Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning brunch. Cooking for each other is a fun way to share time, and I can pretend to help out by shuffling things around in the fridge since I don't know how to make anything.
+Playing games with our grandmother. She had so much fun watching us at Thanksgiving that she requested to participate on Christmas. It's going to be amazing.
+Taking a scenic walk. My mom lives on a majestic island so there are hella places to move around and enjoy the nature.
+Write a song. Two years ago we made a song at Christmas and I think it's my favorite thing that's ever happened on a Holiday. Our surrogate brother is an incredible song writer, the Giraffe plays drums and the rest of us like to sing. I'd like most of all to make that happen.
+Take photos. Always, all the time, forever.
+Record our New Kids on the Block cover. Boo and I tried to do this over the summer. Now is the time.
+To talk to my dad. He is so far away now (snowbirding) that a phone call will be really special. I can't wait to hear him say how the next lottery ticket is going to be a winner.
+A letter from the Giraffe. When you spend so much time with someone you don't share sentiments the same way you do when you're apart. We used to write a lot and it was one of my favorite things. If he drew a picture of our dog I might poop myself.
+A special night with just my mom and Boo. The trifecta only gets to reunite twice a year so it's pretty bomb when it happens.
+Karaoke with friends. It's overdue, guys. Let's stop talking about it and go sing it out.

 There is a lot to do, but you know, it's been a productive year so I feel confidant that we can keep it going. Anybody else doing a no-presents-under-the-tree Christmas? What's on your no-stuff wishlist?

Saying that being together is the greatest gift is so sentimental it makes me want to barf. But goddamnit it's still true. Goddamnit!

 Holler at Santa for me, tell him I'll get to him next year.

Dear Just Be Grateful

So a while back I had this great idea: Take one month out of the year, and dedicate it to being thankful. Really focus on making it a point to share with the people in my life through a letter, or a phone call, or a nice cup of coffee or WHATEVERITMAYBE what they mean to me and let them know that I am thankful to have them in my life. This sounded like a great idea to me. Because I do feel so thankful. And I believe I should share that. I figured, yeah, it would be like a month of gratitude. Yeah, and November would be great because Thanksgiving is going on and people already have friends, family and togetherness on their minds. Yeah, I thought, it's going to work out great. And then do you know what I learned? IT'S ALREADY A REAL THING. NOVEMBER IS GRATITUDE MONTH. Some group or dude or foundation or greeting card company already made a gratitude month and it's already November, and everyone in America knows that apparently except for me.
UGH.
It was just like the time I thought that I invented facebook. (true and tragic story)

To learn that my amazingly special plan had already been thwarted by it's preexisting popularity, coupled with the totally unattainable scale of my idea led me to do nothing. I thought a lot about my gratitude in November, as I have been doing a lot lately. I put out a lot of vibes about it. Which has to count for something in the grand scope of the universe, but I didn't actually DO anything. Which left me feeling a little bit like I had failed.

But here's the thing. I have been feeling grateful a lot lately (as I literally just said). This year has been a motherfucker in it's proportion of devastating, difficult, triumphant, and beautiful events. The last half of it I have felt constantly awed and humbled by how amazing everything is. And how incredible people are. And how powerful self-love can be (laugh now, that shit is real). And the truth is that even though I didn't make a banner with everyone's name on it and stream it from heaven I truly feel more grateful than I probably ever have before, and living with that and walking with it in my life is, in it's way, doing something. So I guess I just want to say...I mean, I guess what the point of this is (besides that I need to do more research before thinking I've come up with an original idea) that de-elevating my level of expectation for how I express gratitude does not, at it's core, de-value the gratitude itself.
And I would have liked to have given you all handmade cards with the most epic thank you of all time, but this year I've just been too fucking busy living my life. And that's part of what's great here. I am finally much closer to living my life at the mammoth capacity I dream of doing. So I'ma keep putting out the vibes and know that living with gratitude is, well, not an act, but a lifestyle.
Thank you.