Build Ups are Hard to Break Down

I had a conversation recently with a friend about how vein and egocentric it is to ever post a blog and think anyone gives a S, and though I am in agreeance, I write one anyway. Seems I don't care. Or don't believe anyone else reads the damn thing, which is more the truth but still looks like not caring in the end. Anyway, this is not the point.

The point is that I have waited so many years of my life to get a dog. And when I say "so many" I mean a lot of years. Anyone who knows me knows the vast number of times my friends and ex-boyfriends have had to pull me back from the ledge of adopting some wonderful thing because I felt I couldn't wait any longer. This has been several hundred times. I have tried to convince myself of a lot of things. (and thank you, p.s. to those of you that won the argument each time). Eventually I got to the point where I knew it would happen when it was right, and I was ok with waiting. Well, now I'm done waiting.

After finally getting to a stable enough place in my life where I know beyond any certainty that I am capable of raising a dog, I took the leap and applied for one. One I have been watching for the past month. One I felt that cheesy and indescribable connection with. And so far? I hear nothing. These have been some of the longest 72 hours of my life. And I know if it doesn't work out, it's not meant to, But the question still remains. How do you break down the build up of something that's been coming for so long? How do you remove stock from the thing you placed so much in to begin with? Though it was wrong of me to put so many eggs in one basket with this particular dog, I inadvertently did it anyway, and now here I am faced with the reality of what I will do if they never let me meet him.

So time is going nowhere. And I'm trying not to bubble over. And it's a big deal to no one but me who is trying to find new animals to distract myself; new dogs I know I could love just as much. Though I could never, ever, love a dog as a replacement for another. There can be no sloppy seconds in the animal kingdom for me. And with that gross statement, I return to my original point; that build ups are hard to break down. And I leave it at that for now.