@@@Females With Sexxxy Voices Wanted For Phone Acting! Work From Home!@@@

The only thing I need more than beer, dogs, and tacos is a job.

I need a job.

Has anyone, ever, in the history of this city, who's not looking for a lifetime career, isn't willing to man up and do phone sex, and doesn't have 18 years of previous restaurant experience, ever actually gotten a job from craigslist?

I've been looking long enough that I've gotten lost and don't even know what my marketable skills are anymore. I can barely remember my social security number for tax purposes.

"You just gotta get out there, you know, send your resume to everyone, walk in and act like you were born to do the job when you firmly shake hands with the manager, you know, just do it!"

Seems lately I only have the where-with-all and ability to "just do it" at 1:30 in the morning on a weeknight after a couple of 'cold ones' and a brief but emphatic tirade through "I'm so awesome at so many things" land, resulting in my self-confidant belief that I can go out there and get 14 jobs if I want to, because "I am the master of my domain" and "the world is my oyster" and "yeah, you know what? they would LOVE to hire me".

But you cannot apply for jobs at 1:30 in the morning. You simply cannot.