Big City Big Ideas

Probably the greatest thing about aimlessly wandering the internet and finally settling on reading your own blog, is that you discover things you never remember writing. Well, initially you don't, and then you vividly remember writing it, but it was so bad that you had tried to block it out. I speak mostly about that terribly embarassing little entry I made a few days ago when Steve and Karen were over, and everyone was having a good time, and the night was filled with that kind of energy they have in John Hughes films, you know, the "we're going to be friends forever" vibes. Awful. We all know that I can get extrememly sentimental and shmaltzy, but this was even too much for me. I sounded like a cancer patient who'd just gotten a second chance at life. I actually said something about learning that with friendship, compassion, gratitude, and hope all things are possible. Yeah. I did. So...dashboard control-manage entries-select-delete. For anyone that didn't already read it, just picture: me, in a John Hughes movie, in a room full of my companions, having just leaned that my cancer is in remission and I have a second chance at life, reciting a reflective, optimism-filled monologue over the top of a Paula Cole song. It was a lot like that. Oh, and there are other posts that I am embarrassed to have written, but luckily for me, those are stored in the archives somewhere and I don't have to look at them. Or at least I haven't gotten bored enough to dig through them and laugh/weep at my plucky and cheesy ponderings on life. Ugh.

Anyway,
I'm in New York now.
I oscillate between optimistic and hopeless pretty much daily.
I miss my mom and my boyfriend.
There is a lot of dance party-ing and game playing to make things awesome.
I'm looking for a job.
I'm looking for a living space.
I think I found a living space, but A. I haven't seen it yet, and B. The people that live there don't know that I have already decided to move in wether or not they'd like it. I don't care that it has cement floors and no closet. I mean, these people are on a competetive skeeball team. Oh, and C. Not sure I can afford it.
I am affraid to "take a break" from smoking.
"Half-Nelson" is a really good movie, and so is "The 40 Year Old Virgin". Who knew...