A Conversation.

Stop looking at your phone. Stop looking at the time on your phone. What are you waiting for? Nothing. You're not waiting for anything. You're waiting for not nothing. Something. You might be waiting for something. You might be waiting for something, but it could be a secret or maybe you're not certain you're waiting for something, so either way you couldn't say exactly. You're also very aware of the fact that anticipation often ends up being one of the more exciting parts of journeys, and that being the case, you really should revel in it now. Yet you can't forget the want for the something to happen, or present itself, or make itself available so that you can get on with things. Though you still see yourself three months from now sitting on a train alone reviewing the subject and thinking "THIS is what I was waiting for?" But maybe you are too skeptical. Or maybe you are a realist. Or maybe you don't believe in humans. Or you don't believe in kharma. Or you don't believe in god. Or you believe in too many things and you are embarassed about it so you pretend to believe in nothing. You could keep a log of how much time you spend waiting for something to happen, and of how much time you spend enjoying that thing when it does happen. That might be productive. Or scary. Does anyone really enjoy something for as long as they spend waiting for it to happen? Stop biting your hangnails. Stop biting your nails. Stop biting. If you conducted a study of how long people wait for the enjoyment of the act versus how long they enjoy the act itself, the results might be depressing, and therefore should be left untouched. You waited to get a big new bass amp for a year and a half, very intesnsely for several months. Once you got it you were overjoyed, for a few weeks, then you put it in your room, and now it's in storage on the west coast. Maybe that is because you're ungreateful. Or maybe it's because your band broke up. Or maybe because you moved and can't ship it. Maybe the time you spent enjoying it has actually surpassed how long you waited and you just don't know because you're too preoccupied with the worry that things might be bad. You should stop thinking about it. You should enjoy your night off. And stop using the word "enjoy" so "frequently".

You should stop looking at the phone. The foreign man said there is a lighthouse somewhere in the middle of the sea. Swim, swim, swim.