Poker & Goodnight Moon.

I played poker for five hours and came down to the final three. not bad for someone who is still trying to figure out how the fuck to bet or bluff properly.

the input for my computer is totally gone, and all music attempted to play from it is dicy.

Yep. I'm listening to Billy Joel. Yep, Piano Man is pretty fucking awesome.

I have had the foresight to edit out any of the honest things I was going to say. So now I don't know what to say.

I am glad when good people find eachother. but it also makes me want to eat off my own ankles because it seems obsurd that everyone else should be so good at it.

I am like a tiny boy. No one likes a tiny boy. Except for me, and I chose it for myself. Oh let's cry about it. Ok. Thanks, crying music.

Let's talk about how good things come for Cananda. They really do.

One day when I am aunty Carlee, and I am very wrinkled, I will tell all my friend's children about my adventures, and about my boozin' days, and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll come out sounding like Peter Pan. If only. And we can hope.

I want to pet a million animals at a petting zoo. I want to sleep for 86 hours. I want to eat a taco (but what else is new), or five. I want to stomp around my old neighborhood, and I want to stop around my new neighborhood, if only to hear the baby gangsters try and deffend me to perpetrating strangers. I want to find a little bundle of linnens and I want to hide there for some time until everything sounds quiet and I can crawl out and pretend that things are new. I really like when old things feel new again. I really like hobbit holes and cubbies. I want to live in one, not just a makeshift one, where unidentified bugs won't bite me.

I want to meet my 17 year old self, and ask her why she was so involved with everything that she was, and about how she never managed to feel bad about it. 17 year old me was awesome and retarded, but never knew it. I just had very, very long hair. And that, I did know.

Yep. I am going to go to sleep alone on this couch, again, because I am too affraid of the cubby bugs and mice. And all the lights are on and I'm not going to turn them off, just leave them there, on like we are still playing goddamned poker, and whe n I wake up it will feel like it was never night at all, which is how i preffer it because I am so affraid of the dark.

Goodnight fluorescant lights.
Goodnight night.
Goodnight self.
Goodnight little moon.