It's pretty simple, really. I sometimes have this fear that if I write too much, I will use up all my good ideas. And there will be nothing left. Like I have a predetermined amount of funny jokes, witty references (still waiting to use those), insights, snarky remarks, social commentary, plot lines, characters, experiences, morals, questions, big words. Like a female has eggs. I only have so many of all those things to use, and I can't acquire more, and if I use them up too quickly, I will be done. I will go into writer's menopause. And that will be it. There will never be another thing for me to write ever again.
I have realized I am actually afraid of that. Isn't that crazy?
Wait. Let me rephrase that. Is that crazy?
Is it a subconscious tactic in procrastination? Like if I hold onto all my ideas because I have a fear of running out of them then it presents a fairly logical reason to ration writing of any kind.
Maybe it's a subconscious act of self-protection. That, in keeping all my ideas to myself, I am protecting myself from ever being exposed to failure and the possibility I'm really not good at writing at all and the long drawn out existential crisis that would surely follow.
I mean, these are all possibilities. Simply discovering the fact that I have been walking around believing I only have a limited number of things to say for the rest of my life was pretty incredible. The realization of this fear has made it easy to see the humor in it and takes away the power of its potential truth.
And on the other hand, some of the writers, comedians, storytellers, and musicians I admire most spend their entire career telling the same kinds of stories, just with different details, circumstances, and feelings. So maybe it's not such a bad thing.
Maybe, a person should just do what they feel moved to do.
Maybe a person should just do what they feel moved to do and fight the critical voice inside of them that says it's repetitious or boring or old or recycled or not any good at all.
Because maybe the bigger point is not weather what you do is any good or not, but that you have a thing that you feel moved to do at all.
Maybe having that thing is part of success, and just doing it is the other part. Maybe its goodness or abundance or popularity is an ancillary bonus.
Maybe I should write because I like to write, and if I only have five stories to tell I will just spend the rest of my time telling them over and over and that will be the truth of my life. And at least there will be a thing that I enjoy doing.
Ok. Yeah. Maybe that's it. I feel comfortable with that.
Champion voice: 1
Critical voice: 0
See you next round, fear breeding critic.
No comments:
Post a Comment