I need a stool. I am officially using an end table from the living room as a chair, because I am tired of squatting, and because, as a good person put it to me tonight, I have not "made it a priority" to clean my room. So end table stool it is. At least my feet aren't numb...not to mention the fact that there are enough piles of things clouding my room that it's as if trolls have moved onto mountains beneath my bed. Do they have treasures? Will they share them with me? I should clean my room.
A good cab ride. I finally had a good cab ride tonight. Living in a city like this, it can be so relieving to have a pleasant experience you don't have to guard yourself from the entire time. You know, to just enjoy things the way they can be enjoyed in other places. Thanks, cab driver. Thanks for the good talk, and thanks for not asking my name or how old I am. Cheers.
A thought on momentary realizations: Some more than "a" thought(s): It can be such a great feeling, such an alive thing, to know you don't want what you don't have; this "other"; this "completeness"; this true confusion and compromise of yourself. Knowing you don't want that is both liberating, and informative. Knowing you want to be your own is quite nice when you actually want it. But when you think of sharing, and you think of whom to share it with, other thoughts can be nice, too. Like, in this make-believe world there is no coincidence that two people look at each other at the same time about the same thing, which is about two people being together. And in this it is not strange that two people should get along so well. And, in this, it is not strange that people assume things about it, which they do. And you don't want anything from it, but you have to ask how much it might be the right thing, when teams are formed, and lies are made in unison, and hard things aren't made so hard. But the only way to know if something is really good or not is to take it somewhere it doesn't belong, like the Badlands, and watch it run, and see how it melts into something foreign, and how it adapts to something you find so beautiful. And maybe then, after that, you'll know what it's worth. But lucky you, if you get to bring anything to the Badlands. Lucky, lucky you.
What I think is so beautiful is that the world constantly shows you that moments between people are really beautiful if you are lucky enough to catch them. Sometimes you catch the moment, and it feels like that one thing could be the entire day. You don't need all the in between things. And those things are never big things, but just little things, little signs, that somewhere, something is right. I like knowing a little something is right.
So. I saw the look. I remember the dream. I replay the advice. I appreciate the upgrade of temporary susstainability. I write down the name of the nice person tonight to have record of a tiny angel. I review the work I believe in. I know things are as the should be. And I ask the question of importance, "how could they be?". I am not so stupid that things slip past me. I just have to think of them as they pass. You know, things always pass. But as long as we are alive, things are ok, and they are passing.
A movie for this would be too long. We can't Hum this. Sleep schedules must be corrected. Questions must be asked (why won't you inquire?). Organizations must be made. Opinions must be stated boldly. We must learn to love ourselves enough to stand up for what we believe is real and good.
And even if I sound like a rote, sleep-deprived, drunken hippie, if you've ever thought about these things at all, you know what I am talking about.
There is nothing wrong with admitting what you think. There is nothing wrong with admitting you believe in magic.
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