Dear Indian Summer & Adventures

First things first:
My mother told me that when she and my grandparents were talking yesterday, about me, my grandfather (Papa, the lighthouse) remarked "that girl can do no wrong. I love her so much." At first I thought "if he only knew...", and then I realized "I think he actually does know, and he believes that anyway." I think that's really something.

Secondly, I am noticing that when I get excited about something, or when something makes me "giddy" (I hate that word, but it's such a specific descriptor) I tend to just sort of freeze up and expose too many of those dorky idioms we all have that should be slowly leaked out over long periods of time. That, and I get hyper-conscious of what I am saying and worry that I will run out of things to talk about. That's why I can sometimes become that guy that just wants to hide under the tablecloth at parties with people they're really impressed by. Surely there's a way to remedy this. It's probably just to relax. Damn it.

The question still remains: when you spend so many hours of the day being so tired your eyelids stick together when you blink and you forget your own apartment number (I did that yesterday morning), why why is it impossible to fall asleep when it's time, and you just wind up repeating the cycle the next day? I swear to god, me and everyone like me still have that last-man-standing-slumber-party mentality. I was always the last one awake at slumber parties. But now most nights I'm at a slumber party with myself. It should stand to reason I'd be able to cash in the chips on that contest.

So I've been thinking about adventures lately. I think I have not been aware enough about what adventures really are. Adventures could happen all the time. For some people they do. For some people (and I'm putting myself in this category) they might be and no one is aware of it.
So what if:
Adventures can happen down the block or on a mountain top, and for no reason, and without the whole world knowing, and without a thesis of fun first, and without knowing what you want from it, and with or without a soundtrack, and through telling the truth, and through telling what you want, and being brave in ways that no one would catch but you, and deciding what you want from it right then and not the rest of your life, and you don't need five days off of work to do it, and you don't need money, and you don't have to surprise anybody but yourself, and you don't even have to surprise yourself as long as you're having fun, and that the purpose in an adventure--if there is one--is something only you can know & not something you can be instructed on, and you're not too old to do it, and you can be with eight people or one person or no one at all, and that expectations are what build the anticipation but also kill the adventure of you let the overcome the excitement and the just letting things be. Adventures are happening all the time. Or they can if you want them.
And with those things to think about, goodnight, for this brief hour.