So I've learned.
Very important stuff here.
As my little buddy Oscar and I are reaclimating to our home after my much needed visit to my real home, and his little vacation with some ladies who love him too much, we have gone on a couple of walks. A couple, because we haven't been home that long. We do this because sometimes we like to reconnect with the world beyond. Because the apartment can get boring and we can hear excitement out of our windows we feel we just HAVE to be a part of (always in the action, he and I). Because we like wacky urban adventures. And because he's a Beagle, and he has to go to the bathroom.
Beagles, by breed, are hunters. They are commonly used for rabbit, or "hare" hunting, as well as other small mammals and water fowl. "They are determined, keen hunters, and their baying during a hunt brings goose-bumps to novice hunter and the oldest professional alike." Oscar, true to his breed, is determined, and even in the September of his years very much enjoys, nay THRIVES upon, chasing scents and investigating. Oscar's top likes include: Sniffing, trotting, cheese, meats, naps. Those are the main ones I've discovered so far, but there may be greater likes we have not yet uncovered, because of my next highlight.
We live in Bushwick. Bushwick, in Brooklyn, particularly the area surrounding my building, is not nice. I live in an industrial area with buildings that are only now being turned into residential spaces and invaded by poor white "artist" kids like me. The area outside of that is mostly low income apartments and government housing projects. Needless to say, it's not scenic. Along with it's not-scenic-ness, comes the extreme absence of nature. I have never seen my dog frolic in grass, or chew on weeds, or dig up dirt, because those things aren't really around. Due to his recovering from health issues we have not been able to travel to the country to play, but I'm willing to bet that he would like that. Because he's a beagle. He sniffs. He sniffs the trash and cruddy pavement around here whenever he is given the chance.
Due to highlights one and two, I try and let him enjoy whatever he can in his cement and steel urban lifestyle. Now that you know some of the facts, on to the event, or "enlightenment" of the day.
As he and I, along with one of our preffered female companions, went walking one afternoon, we came upon something glorious: a tree. To be fair, we come upon this tree, and the three next to it, each time we walk, as someone has had the kindness to plant their sad skinny roots in wooden boxes in front of the "here come the white folks!" art space, coffee slash video shop, and natural food store. We know they're there, but each time we see them it feels like the first time because it's so exciting. And naturally, in our excitement, we want to investigate them. On this day, as Oscar was investigating the tree in the wood box, he got the urge to do what any good boy dog would do, and lifted his leg.
As he was relieving himself, as close to nature as we can find, we were approached by a woman. This woman was really more of a girl. A hipster girl. I label her this due to the following qualities: shaggy shinny black well placed haircut. Jacket with pointy shoulders. That face make up they so often have that says "I don't give a shit, but look at me, look how good I look". Dark jeans that cling for dear life all the way down the leg and scrunch up the right amount of inches at the bottom. Boots that have that cowboy-go go dancer-Stevie Nicks thing going on. And an angry, unaffected, bored demeanor. This girl looked so cool she was even bored with herself. And let me tell you how cool that is to be bored with even yourself. Or maybe she was just having a bad day. Who am I to judge. Anyway, this girl--who is undoubtedly a popular public buddy since apathy about the world around you means elitism, which means desirability, which as we all know means "Super amazing interesting person!"--approaches us, rolls her eyes, and then locks them with mine like she is some sort of migratory bull.
"Could you, like, not do that?" she asks, so aggressively that my response was silent, but said
"Um, what? I mean. Huh? What did I--what am I doing that offends you so?"
"You need to not let him pee in there. It kills the trees."
I'm sorry. Now you're just speaking Chinese. Are you serious?
"...Sorry." is all I can say.
"Well, don't. It's not ok." The way she says this also says "You and your filthy dog are everything that is wrong with the environment and if I actually cared I would fucking punch you in your trashy face."
"Um. Ok." is all I can say, as I watch my beagle karate chop his leg against the tree, dominating it.
"Yeah, well, just a tip for next time. So don't."
Then I proceed to drag my dog out of the tree box, both of us confused, as I watch her turn and storm (or was that just her strut?) down the street.
So, while animals of all species have been relieving themselves in nature throughout the history of the world, apparently domesticated dog urine now destroys foliage in urban neighborhoods. Thank god I know now. That is so enlightening. But more questions have been brought up: Is it limited to just tress? Or does my dog single-handedly have the power to take down entire bushes, flowerbeds, patches of grass? For fear we might find out the hard way I will be sure to limit my dog's bathroom activity to pans in my apartment, which I will then pour into tin cans and dispose of like bacon grease.
I would like to send a big thank you out to that girl, wherever she is, for enlightening my mind and brightening my day. Thank goodness there are people concerned with doing good out there, so ready to lend a helping hand and spread the word.
And my duty, as a citizen of the world, was to share this important piece of information with all I can. Please, everyone, refrain from allowing your animals to do what they've instinctively been doing for thousands upon thousands of years. Together, we can beat this thing.
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